When I was 13, I knew that I was not an ordinary teenager and that opinion didn't much change in the coming years. I did not fit in with the "in" crowd and didn't really want to. I created a world of my own imagining to make life bearable in the small town that I lived in that I just couldn't seem to embrace. As I moved through the trials and tribulations of high school my only thought, other than music and writing as a release of angst, was to plan my escape from the town I grew up in and never really felt a part of. How was I to know that my escape would not be very far reaching and that I would remain within 30 miles of where I grew up, would marry way too young and have two lovely daughters, leaving all my youthful dreams of the future I had planned far behind.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. I regret not attaining my degree, although I have taken many classes and attained a few certifications throughout the years. I wish that I would have traveled more and experienced cultures different than what I am used to, although I did move to a large city with a multicultural population and experienced as well as embraced, diversity and made friends who I will have throughout my life, whom I consider family. Although I truly loved vocal music performance and acting which I returned to well into adulthood, I regret not having the discipline to continue playing the piano and guitar, which I believe I now would have enjoyed. I have lately taken up drumming, for healing, sound therapy and an emotional release, in which I have met an amazing and diverse group of wonderful souls. I however, do not regret being at my mother's bedside as she uttered her last breath on earth as well as my father. If I had lived farther away, this might not have been possible. I believe that although these were moments of sadness, they were also moments that I will forever cherish and consider a gift. I also do not regret having my daughters and even though we have had our moments, we love and support each other and our connection will always remain. I could not imagine being a world apart from my three grandchildren.
Life has become a system of emotional, physical and spiritual checks and balances. The longer you are among the world of the living, the more you experience both good and bad. I have learned to embrace the happiness and joys of life while learning to tolerate and attempt to rise above the sorrows and disillusionment. We live and learn, grow and develop or we remain stagnant and time will ultimately continue to move on whether we are ready or not to face the reality of what that inevitably means. I no longer wish for the things of my impetuous youth. For everything that happened on my life's path, was meant to happen and what truly matters, is what I have learned and taken from these experiences and how far I have come since that time ever so long ago, when my future seemed so full of hope and promise. I am not rich or famous but I am wealthy in family and friendships. I do not need universal fame in order to be important. I have my talents and capabilities and I am a compassionate soul who cares for others and am also humble in the presence of those who are far greater in those capacities than I.
I am now at an age of rediscovery and experiencing yet another of life's transitions. The path is not always a smooth one but nothing easy is as well appreciated as attaining a hard fought and won goal. I now understand the old adage "With age comes wisdom". I have learned more with each passing year, about myself and others and I hope to continue on this journey of self discovery and explore all the possibilities that the future holds. For to be truly wise, we must seek knowledge as there is much to be learned and time does not stand still and wait for us to embrace it's many lessons.
